The thing about 40licious is that your perspective gets better. You have more to look back on. More days to compare with each other. Your pattern recognition gets more acute, so that you can tell yourself, “I know where this is going. Don’t. Not this time.” And mostly, you will listen.
So now I realize that I have peace. My job makes me proud and happy more often than not — and they pay me every two weeks, so that I can support my real estate habit and feed LuBelle all the organic kibble she can gobble. I’m getting better at F now that there are new strings on the guitar. I’m putting on a reading of my revised play. I can call JoJo and she’ll give me license to not get sucked into codependent family angst. Tonight I will paint and watch the rest of La Vie en Rose. My neighbors are funny and lovely. Most every night, I go to sleep with a full heart.
Five years ago, the peace may have have acted more like a palette for trouble, for drama, for the next thing to go horribly awry. But tonight, the peace is palpable. I notice this. I am grateful.